I still waste too much time and brainpower thinking about those who I assume are doing better than I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that I am blessed in many, many ways.

That being said I can’t help but, during my weak moments, ponder on those who have it better than me (personally and professionally.)

I am making progress, however.

When I find myself thinking like this, I snap out of it much more quickly than I used to.

But the fact that it still happens as frequently as it does is troublesome.

None of us can ever truly know the entirety of another person’s life.  We see and notice the outside trappings, but are blissfully unaware of their “real story/stories.”

Would I wish to be anyone other than who I am ?  Most definitely not.

I need to remember that much more often than I do. ~Scott

Courtesy of   www.thedailylove.com

Competition is an old model of living and doing business that is dying. It’s old. It’s extinct.

It’s time for it to be DONE.

Why?

Because, we are growing, we are evolving and we are starting to become a global community that realizes that each of us has a special gift to give to the world.

Think about it. In an Infinitely abundant Uni-verse, how could there ever be not enough? The only reason is because WE are not thinking and acting in alignment with this truth.

We hoard. We compete. We make others lose so we can win.

We think it’s a dog eat dog world. But it’s not.

It’s just been the world we’ve created until now.

But now, everything is changing. With SO much uncertainty in the way the world is going, we are forced to go within. We are forced to learn how to trust our own intuition. And we are being called to GIVE our unique gift to the world. This is our purpose. To get in touch with our gift and then give it in service to others. 

This is as imperative to our nature and survival as breathing or eating. And it’s Uni-versal. It applies to each and every one of us. We have a gift. And this gift is a service to the world.

And when we live in service to others giving our gift – competition dissolves. Because there is only one of us and it is only US who can give our gift to the world the way that we do.

Take TDL for example. There are MILLIONS of blogs. And MILLIONS of personal growth folks.

But aren’t any others like me. I’m not the next anyone, I’m the first and last Mastin Kipp. And TDL is my unique expression to the world. No one can copy me. So no matter how many other blogs or personal growth folks there are out there, no one can do it like me. And I can’t do it like anyone else.

And everyone else in my space will speak to different people and niches. Because people need to hear this same message in a different way from different people. So there is no competition.

I used to get wrapped up in what I thought was competition in my space with other writers, bloggers and blogs. But I let it go and just focus on giving my gift. And that has made all the difference – because there is no competition in giving my gift – I’m the ONLY one who can do it!

I reside in a world (entertainment) where brutal honesty is not only a fact of life, but expected.

Troupe leaders, directors, casting people, reviewers, and audience members (amongst others) feel it is their duty to be brutally honest for the actor’s/comedian’s/improviser’s/entertainer’s “own good.”

I guess this makes sense in theory.  The entertainment environment/industry is/can be a rough one.  One needs to develop a thick skin as early as possible, especially if he/she plans on making it his/her career.

However, as a fellow human beings, don’t these delivery messengers of brutal honesty need to remember that no matter how insulated their targets are that they are still individuals with emotions and feelings ?

I have recently had the opportunity to disseminate some brutal honesty to some of my colleagues.  I truly believe that this information would help them in their professional future.

However, at the last minute I dramatically softened my message.

My rationale was, although there were definitely “valuable lessons” that they needed to learn, that they are truly doing the best that they could in that particular situation and my brutal honesty would be more harmful than helpful.

Did I cheat them out of bettering themselves ?  Maybe.

Or did I just accurately assess these particular situations and react in an adult and mature manner ?

As with many Facebook relationships, the answer is “complicated.” ~Scott

Courtesy of www.wisegeek.com

Few people can successfully sail through life without receiving a single piece of constructive criticism or brutal honesty. Some people can become so driven to be brutally honest, however, that they lose perspective on when such advice is not strictly necessary or helpful. Some brutal honesty delivered by a trusted friend or mentor can be the push a person needs to effect a positive change, but some people enjoy being brutally honest simply for the brutality.

One reason a person may become brutally honest is upbringing. He or she may be the product of a hypercritical set of parents who used harsh criticism as a motivational tool. There may not have been many examples of discretion or tact when it came to expressing opinions of others. A parent or sibling may have looked at a piece of artwork and pointed out all of the flaws instead of praising the child for his or creativity or originality. This negative, critical programming from childhood may survive into adulthood as a brutally honest demeanor.

Some people become brutally honest as a defense mechanism to deflect criticism of their own deficiencies or shortcomings. By putting on a good offense through brutal honesty, they minimize the risk of others judging them equally as harshly. These people often seek out careers as professional critics or judges, strongly believing the only way to help professionals to improve is to be brutally honest. Harsh criticism is seen as a necessary evil, not a lack of tact.

For others, being brutally honest signifies a lack of emotional growth. Many people would love to be brutally honest more often, but a sense of propriety keeps them from overstepping their bounds. Some people who pride themselves on their brutal honesty, however, have a poorly developed social filter when it comes to tact and politeness. They aren’t always aware that their critical comments could be personally hurtful or socially embarrassing. They may feel justified by publicly saying what others were thinking privately, but they simply lack the sense of propriety which should prevent such incidents.

Some famous celebrities known for their brutal honesty, such as the acerbic British judge Simon Cowell on American Idol, may do it to prevent future disappointment in an industry rife with even harsher critics. Some may be brutally honest because they believe the recipient won’t take criticism seriously unless provoked or shocked. There may even be some people who are brutally honest simply for the sake of watching other people suffer emotional blows from harsh criticism, whether or not the critique has any actual basis in fact.

Those of us who attempt to impart education on students of all ages will always be faced with occasional bouts of “disrespect.”

When I was a young boy, I spent my fair share of time sitting outside of various classrooms as a punishment for “talking too much.”

I wasn’t intending to be disrespectful to my teachers.  I just always had the overwhelming need to comment on the things that I heard.

As I reflect on my younger self, I have come to a realization.

Those of us who consider ourselves “creative” will always have an overwhelming need to comment on the things that stimulate our brains.

But how do we do so in a respectful manner ?

Or how do our “teachers” allow us the window of opportunity to comment while also keeping that communication from disrupting the other students ?

It is a challenged that teachers and students have always faced and continue to face.

As with most disputes, each side needs to be flexible enough to meet somewhere in the middle. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.positivediscipline.com

Disrespectful Behavior
by Jane Nelsen, Linda Escobar, Kate Ortolano, Rosalyn Duffy, and Deborah owen-Sohocki

An excerpt from the book Positive Discipline A Teacher’s A-Z Guide

Discussion

When a child is disrespectful to teachers or classmates, the first source to consider is the behavior of the adults in this child’s life. Children who aren’t treated with respect have no model for respectful behavior. Joe’s parents call each other names, belittle Joe, and sneer when he objects to anything. When Joe behaves similarly at school, it is unacceptable. Joe needs training, experience, and examples of respectful behavior.

Self-respect is the other important aspect here. The teacher who passively allows a child to belittle her or call her names isn’t modeling respect for herself. She must tell the child, “I won’t continue to listen to disrespectful language,” and then calmly walk away. Please note that the teacher does not say, “I won’t allow you to call me names.” The former statement clearly states what the teacher will do, not what she will try to make the child do or not do. The difference is critical. With the first response, the teacher shows respect and models self-control without trying to control the student.

It is likely to produce improved behavior, especially if followed up with a dialogue when both teacher and student are calm again. Contrast this response to lecturing, blaming, and threatening, and then decide which response you would prefer if you were the student. For another important clue to the source of this misbehavior, consider how widespread the displays of disrespect seem to be. One wise administrator said that if a classroom has two or three problem children, then there are probably two or three children with problems; if a classroom has five, six, or more problem children then there may very well be a problem teacher. A wise university professor stated that all teachers have problems with students. Conversely, all students have problems with teachers.

Every teacher knows that some classes are more difficult than others. Whatever the situation, a teacher’s best tool is control over his or her own behavior.

Suggestions

Model respectful behavior. Before approaching a situation that’s making your blood boil, take a moment to calm down and regain your composure.

Give lessons on respectful behavior. Demonstrate respectful ways to approach and respond to others, and let the children practice them.

Encourage children by letting them know when you notice their efforts to practice new behaviors. Be specific: “Mary, you explain to Susan how much her whistling during lunch was annoying to you. That shows respect for Susan as well as respect for your own needs.”

Use the mistaken goal chart to decode what a child’s behavior is telling you. A teacher’s intuition may offer the best clue. Typically a child who is hurting others is feeling hurt herself; the goal then is revenge. Some children may be disrespectful to get attention or to show power. Identifying the likely hidden message helps the teacher figure out the best way to respond.

Avoid lectures, shaming, and blaming children. Such adult tactics incite disrespectful responses.

Practice mutual respect. That means remembering to respect your own needs as well as the students’ needs.

Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems

Take time to connect with your students. It’s easy to be disrespectful to a person you perceive only as an object of your control or manipulation. Similarly, it’s difficult to be disrespectful toward someone who is an asset to you or who sees you as an asset. Middle and high school teachers who use positive discipline class meetings have discovered that taking time for giving compliments, appreciations, and encouragements contributes to a mutually respectful atmosphere in their classrooms.

At a class meeting, discuss the students’ understanding of disrespectful and respectful behavior. Share your own thoughts. Identify and role-play ways in which people can behave respectfully in specific situations. The class might formulate a plan with a chosen focus, such as ways in which they can show respect for one another when standing in line waiting for lunch. In a few days or a week, students can discuss how the new plan is working.

Take time for training. Role-play a problem situation with a child individually or during a class meeting. Allow the child to play the role of the adult and to practice both unacceptable and acceptable responses. Then encourage the child to express the feelings he experienced when in the adult role. Reverse roles, and go through the process again.

Develop an atmosphere of trust by helping children to see that you are more interested in solutions to problems than in identifying or punishing those who misbehave.

Learn to trust the process of working with children rather than trying to control them.

Inspirational Story

Stephanie, a new teacher at the Frazier preschool, came into the program director’s office in despair. Several of the four-year-olds in her class were hitting her and refusing to obey her, and this week two children had spit in her face. The director asked Stephanie how she had handled this behavior. Stephanie said she had told the children who hit and disobeyed that she didn’t like it when they behaved that way. When the children spit at her, she had been too stunned to know how to respond. Finally she decided to stay out of the range of children who spit, and whenever anyone hit her the whole class had to miss recess.

The director asked Stephanie whether or not she was willing to try something new. Stephanie replied that she definitely was, because these kids were so disrespectful she couldn’t imagine finishing out the school year.

Together Stephanie and the director developed a plan. First of all, Stephanie was going to model self-respect by taking care of her own needs. If a child hit her or spit at her, Stephanie would turn away from the offending child and remove herself from the child’s range. When both she and the child were calmer, she would sit down with the child and spend some time getting to know him or her. They would then discuss what had happened and how each of them felt about it. Together they would discuss how they might solve this problem between them. They would work on it as a team.

One week later, when Stephanie reported back to the director, she was astonished at what was happening. Ever since she had begun getting to know the children personally, she had felt herself relaxing and approaching each day with less stress. The atmosphere of tension and resistance in the classroom was changing as well.

By winter break, Stephanie found it difficult to believe that the cooperative and respectful children in her classroom were the same people with whom she had begun the school year. They were still far from a perfect class, but Stephanie enjoyed being with them. Stephanie had learned the power of mutual respect.

When I started in improvisational theatre in 2001 there was only one troupe (that I was aware of) in Charlotte, NC and I was a member of it.

As of this communication there are (that I am aware of) at least half a dozen “official” improvisational troupes (those who offer shows to the public) and who knows how many “unofficial” troupes there are out there as well in the vicinity of where I live.

When the latest troupe made their presence known to me (via Facebook,) I was initially bummed out.

Don’t get me wrong, as a fellow artist/performer I heartily endorse everyone’s right to plant their creative flag wherever and whenever they feel the need.

However, as a businessperson, I momentarily fretted that the potential future success of the new improv group would negatively impact my/our troupe’s future success.

After I had some time to think about it, I decided that my initial reaction was misguided.

As you will more deeply understand (after reading the articles below, I hope,) competition (that word seems strange in an artistic environment) is only a bad thing if: your business is selling something that no one wants anymore; if the other businesses are selling a similar, but better product and/or selling it better; or you product is inferior.  And if they are selling it better or your product is inferior and you do nothing about it, your business deserves to go out of business.

The old saying is that “a rising tide lifts all boats.”  That means that as long as a person has a good experience with a specific business, industry, or organization, they will be more likely to try another similar product from another producer/manufacturer/organization.

There are over 900,000 individuals in the Charlotte, NC and vicinity geographical area.

That is a large pool of potential audience members for my and my fellow improvisational theatre troupes and leaders from which to draw.

So instead of balling up a fist, pointing it skyward, and cursing the so-called competition, I need to continue to point an authoritative  finger at myself, my business, and my improv troupe and inspire myself, “How can I/we do a better job of offering a continuing outstanding product that people are interested in purchasing/viewing ?”

That should keep my overactive competitive mind busy for the foreseeable future. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.inc.com

No Competition? Chances Are, There’s No Business Either

John Warrillow, author of Built to Sell, answers questions from readers about building a sellable business.

Dear John:

I have an idea for a business, but there is already a lot of competition. Do I need to find a new idea?

—Siobhain, Boston



The fact that there is a lot of competition in the industry you’re about to enter is actually a good sign.

I do some angel investing, and I get a little nervous when people say there is “no competition” for the idea they are proposing. The market has a funny way of sorting out the good ideas from the bad, and if there is no competition for your idea, chances are, there is no market either.

Companies’ succeeding in doing what you’re proposing is a good sign—the market has validated the core of your idea. Instead of reinventing the wheel, all you need to do is take a concept that is working and find a small corner of the market to dominate.

My friend Verne Harnish defines strategy as simply finding something that meets two criteria:
1.    Customers care about it. 
2.    It makes you unique.

Is there something a segment of the market cares about that you can stake a claim to?

When Panasonic wanted to enter the crowded laptop market, it surveyed the landscape and saw Apple owned sexy, Dell owned direct, and HP owned innovation. Someone had already staked a claim to the big things customers cared about when buying a laptop, but there was a small segment of customers who wanted a laptop to be rugged above all else. Police forces want their officers to have laptops that can stand up to the rigors of the inside of a squad car. Traveling salespeople need their laptops to withstand the punishment of airport security. So Panasonic found a small but profitable niche in developing ToughBook—the most durable laptop on the market.

Think about the competitive market you want to enter and, like Panasonic, find an angle. Richard Branson entered the hyper-competitive airline business by launching Virgin Airlines when he discovered there was a group of customers who wanted good but unpretentious service yet weren’t getting it from stuffy British Airways.

Branson didn’t shy away from the market because of the competition, but he did find an angle customers cared about that could make Virgin stand out in a crowded market.

John Warrillow is the author of Built To Sell: Creating a Business That Can Thrive Without You, which was released by Portfolio/Penguin on April 28, 2011.

——————

Courtesy of www.themavencircle.com

Competition: Friend or Foe + Tips on How to Deal

{this post by Jen Neitzel, originally posted on jenneitzel.com}

Competition is a tricky subject. In researching this topic I found so much data on the benefits of competition and about the toxicity that can come into play when competition goes too far.  Competition has both good and bad aspects, depending on the situation and the people involved in the dance of competitiveness.

Wikipedia defines it in this way:
“Competition is a contest between individuals, groups, animals, etc. for territory, a niche, or a location of resources. It arises whenever at least two parties strive for a goal which cannot be shared. Competition occurs naturally between living organisms which co-exist in the same environment.”

“Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.”~ David Sarnoff

This quote spoke to me because I think it encapsulates both the good and bad that can come out of competition.  I’ll be honest here and admit that I really detest competition: in friendships, in the workplace and in families.  For me, even a little competition such as playing games, really doesn’t feel good to me.  I even find the idea that someone might think they are better than one or worse than another troubling, but I digress.

“I have been up against tough competition all my life. I wouldn’t know how to get along without it.” ~ Walt Disney

Many people love competition: in sports, work and for some people, even in a healthy friendship, if it’s kept light and not malicious.  Some people find competitiveness useful as a tool to challenge them, pushing them to new places. It’s been a long journey for me to even be able to see competition as a useful tool, but I’ve been working on my own response to competitiveness and trying to rethink the entire paradigm of competition as a whole.

“With competition everyone has to try harder.” ~ Harold H. Greene

In it’s place, competition can allow you to really hone in on your skills.  In business this is especially true.  Let’s say you have a business making doggy rain boots called Pup Puddle Protectors. One day you’re on Etsy and discover that someone else is making doggy rain boots with a nearly identical name.  You might want to write them a nasty email, or consult a lawyer.  If you haven’t patented your product, and even if you have, it will be tricky and expensive to follow through with legal proceedings.  The most you can probably do, without lots of time and money, is send a cease and desist letter from your lawyer.  Really, the best way to handle such a situation is to challenge yourself to find a narrower niche for your product.  Maybe your doggy rain boots have a special clasp that keeps them on a dog’s feet better.  Or maybe you choose really hip fabrics or materials and you sell your product as designer fashion for dogs.

Competition in business can really help you narrow your focus so that you stand out in a crowd.  Also remember that when you have a good idea, other people will want in on it, so a certain amount of competition will happen.  Expecting it is to be realistic about the situation.

“Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off. ” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

While some competition can be invigorating, sometimes it can cross the line and feel really terrible—it can feel malicious or threatening.  Why is this person doing the same thing I do?  Taking my business idea?  Using the same information that I told them about to further themselves?  Here’s the truth; this type of thinking will propel you down a rabbit hole of frustration, anger and hurt.  It can tear apart friendships and create tidal waves in your professional life.  Feelings of competition can take hold of you and leave you feeling pretty broken-hearted.  Once you’re there you can fall into a place where you’re so worried about what your competition is up to that you cannot focus on what you’re doing.  This is time consuming, feels bad and worst of all can distract you from your true path and where you’re going.  Long story short, it’s not worth the trouble.

So, what can you do when you feel like someone is competing with you, or like you might want to compete with someone else?

“There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.” ~ Indira Gandhi

First, you can breathe and reflect.  Try not to react, this will only engage the competition further.  For many of us competition can bring on a fight or flight response.  If at all possible, don’t go there because it will only further enmesh you in the competition.  Give yourself some space and time to process the situation.  It doesn’t mean denying that the competition is true.  It’s more about trying to make choices that help you overcome your feelings verses reacting and engaging in the competition.  How do I know this?  Through mistakes.  We all make ‘em, but if we can learn from them they can be valuable lessons.

HERE’S SOME TIPS FOR DEALING WITH COMPETITION:

1. Ask yourself what is it that is really bothering you about the dynamic?  Most of the time there’s an underlying reason.  If it’s in business you might fear that your product won’t stand out as much and that you’ll have to work harder at finding customers, which could affect your bottom line.  Maybe it’s an acknowledgement issue.  You’re not feeling that the other person is acknowledging your part in their projects or in their success.  Once you know the root of your feelings you can begin to address them.

2. Once you’ve determined the underlying reasons for your feelings, try not to make presumptions about what the person’s intentions are.  They may not be trying to hurt you or take from you.  They might be clueless about their actions.  Maybe they admire you and are following your lead.  Maybe they don’t even realize how closely they are following in your footsteps.  Also remember, that even if you invented the first dog rain boot, it doesn’t mean that you can be the only person who can ever make it.  We have to share.  If that’s a given, that we must share to some extent, how can you make this work for you?  Can you collaborate with your competitor in some way?  Sounds crazy right?  But if you’re working on a shared goal, you cannot compete in the same way.  What can you learn from competition?  There’s always a lesson hidden in there somewhere.

3. In business, finding ways to make your product or service stand out is important to eliminating competition.  If it’s a friend that you’re experiencing competitiveness with, you need to assess if this is a person you want to be close to.  If you want to keep the friendship, but avoid competition, something to realize is that every time you discuss your success with your friend, they will probably try to one up you.  Avoiding talk about aspects of yourself and your accomplishments can help to ease the competitiveness in the friendship, however, this can be a challenge too.  Most of us seek friendships where we can just be ourselves.  If you’re having to hold back part of yourself to accommodate competition, it can take a toll on a friendship. But I would argue that it is possible to salvage a friendship after competition.

For me, the thing I learned from past competitive dynamics is that I always want to make people who have helped me feel truly appreciated and acknowledged.  I go pretty far out of my way when someone tells me I’ve done a good job at something. I try to think, who else helped me succeed and then I tell the person, “Thank you.  I couldn’t have done it without so and so.  We’re a good team.” Or whatever the situation may be.  The interesting thing I’ve found is that including others in your success actually feels better.  You feel like a team and the people you include in your moments of praise are likely to want to praise you in the future.

TAKE A LOOK AT COMPETITION IN YOUR LIFE AND TRY REFRAMING IT. INCLUDE OTHERS IN YOUR SUCCESS AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU.

Not a single one of us have the same quantity and make-up of friends for the entirety of our lives.

Not a single one of us stay close to each of our family and extended family from our birth to our death.

The people that we work with and for change quite frequently over the years.

It’s a fact of life that the numbers of: those we consider our friends; those who are related to us by blood; and those we are related to by profession or business pursuits are constantly being added to and being subtracted from.

Some disengage from us, some we disengage from, while others just fall away over time and/or due to a geographic, professional, and/or personal changes.

And these days, with the internet and social media, “friendships” are possible with persons with whom we have never even shared the same room.

“Defriending” another human being whether in the “real world” or in cyberspace is never an activity that we should take lightly.

Does that mean that we should never do it ?  Of course not.

But in today’s immediate gratification society, 24/7 news cycle, and twitter/facebook instant dissemination of ideas world, decisions made in haste can last a lifetime. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.mashable.com

David Mielach, BusinessNewsDaily Staff Writer for BusinessNewsDaily

Facebook Unfriending Has Real-Life Consequences

You may want to think twice before unfriending someone on Facebook. That’s because new research has found that serious real-world consequences come from unfriending someone on social media.

In particular, researchers found that 40% of people say they would avoid someone who unfriended them on Facebook, while 50% say they would not avoid a person who unfriended them. Women were more likely than men to avoid someone who unfriended them, the researchers found.

“People think social networks are just for fun,” said study author Christopher Sibona, a doctoral student at the University of Colorado Denver Business School. “But in fact what you do on those sites can have real-world consequences.”

Some of those consequences highlight the way social media relationships affect people in the real world. Sibona says the survey results show the effects of being ostracized on social media, citing respondents who reported reduced self-esteem, feelings of not belonging and a loss of control after being unfriended. Respondents also say they had a worse mood after a social media breakup.

“The cost of maintaining online relationships is really low, and in the real world, the costs are higher,” Sibona said. “In the real world, you have to talk to people, go see them to maintain face-to-face relationships. That’s not the case in online relationships. Since it’s done online there is an air of unreality to it but in fact there are real-life consequences. We are still trying to come to grips as a society on how to handle elements of social media. The etiquette is different and often quite stark.”

The research, which was based on 583 responses gathered through Twitter, also found there were several factors that would predict whether or not a person would avoid someone who unfriended them. Those factors were:

If the person discussed the event after it happened.

If the emotional response to the unfriending was extremely negative.

If the person unfriended believed the action was due to offline behavior.

The geographical distance between the two.

If the troubled relationship was discussed prior to the unfriending.

How strong the person valued the relationship before the unfriending.

“People who are unfriended may face similar psychological effects…because unfriending may be viewed as a form of social exclusion,” Sibona said. “The study makes clear that unfriending is meaningful and has important psychological consequences for those to whom it occurs.”

The study was published by the Hawaii International Conference on System Sciences.

Happiness.

It is as undefinable a word as love in my humble opinion.

Happiness.

It is the ultimate goal to which many of us strive.

Happiness.

Is it a fleeting/momentary feeling in your life or a constant ?

Happiness (at least lasting and consistent happiness) has remained just beyond my unstretched  arms for as long as I can remember.

A major change in attitude and way of thinking, a passion for something, and pharmaceuticals changed all that.

I’m “happier” more frequently and for longer periods of time than I ever have been in my lifetime.

Will it last forever ?

I don’t know.

Was it worth it ?

You bet. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.getrichslowly.com

A blog to which I contribute recently won a contest, and upon finding out, my boyfriend suggested that we celebrate.

“Oh, no, it’s not a huge deal,” I told him. “It was just a small contest.”

He responded, “But if you wouldn’t have won, you’d be upset, right?”

“Yeah,” I admitted.

“So why not be happy now?”

My friends, I have set the bar for happiness way too high. I’ve made happiness an emotionally expensive luxury. When I make a mistake or fail at something, I think about it for days. I talk about it incessantly. I regale my annoyed friends and family members with the details of my mistake and point out the lesson learned.

But conversely, when I succeed at something, I quickly dismiss it. I move on. More often then not, those little milestones aren’t anything to think, talk or be happy about; they’re things I expect of myself. And while that punitive mind-set may help me reach my goals, I think it’s time to make happiness as accessible as disappointment. I’m not talking about lowering the bar for success or goals or achievements — just happiness. My standards for everything else can and should be as high as I want them to be, but by setting the bar for happiness so high, I’m missing out on just how enjoyable life can be.

A sense of entitlement

Like most frugal people, I’m anti-entitlement. It bothers me when someone automatically thinks they’re owed something that not everyone is owed. But as anti-entitlement as I am, I feel like my high-expectations mind-set comes from that same place. People with entitlement issues think, “This is what I deserve to have,” and people with ambition issues think, “This is what I deserve to be.”

It’s one thing to strive for great things; it’s another to think those things are automatically owed to you.

Making the small stuff significant

When I first started my get-out-of-debt journey, my dad gave me a copy of Dave Ramsay’s Total Money Makeover. I had a few debts after college, and his snowball plan really spoke to me: pay off your smaller debts first, because it will keep you motivated. It was the first time that I realized money is more about mind than it is about math.

The snowball advice was effective for me because it allowed me to celebrate little milestones along my debt journey. It made the small stuff important, and I was happy each time I took down $150 here and $200 there. Soon enough, I was out of debt, but what’s more, I actually enjoyed the journey of getting there. Why? Because I focused on the small stuff, and the small stuff made me happy. Being happy made the overall process enjoyable, and that enjoyment made me want to keep going. Similarly, if I take time to be happy about the milestones along my career, it would make my career a lot more pleasant. It would also keep me motivated to move forward.

Happiness inflation

Oh man, how a Shipley’s doughnut used to bring me such happiness. If you don’t know Shipley’s, it’s a Texas-based doughnut chain that makes Krispy Kreme taste like garbage — and I love Krispy Kreme. Years ago, I went to Shipley’s with a friend, and I was so excited at the anticipation of that soft, glazed golden nugget that he joked, “Wow. It’s sad that something so small makes you so happy.”

He was teasing me, but I didn’t think it was sad at all — I thought it was resourceful. The higher the bar for happiness, the more it takes for you to be happy, obviously. I then asked him, “Well, what would it take to make you happy?” After some thought, he responded: “A wife and kids. And a six-figure salary.” Woah! That’s a tall order.

These days, I’ve been overlooking the little things. Like my friend, it’s taking more and more for me to be happy as the years go by. Perhaps it’s partially because, as a society, we’re always so focused on progress. We can always have more Stuff, make more money, be better at what we do, etc. That’s the unattainable American Dream, and I’m not necessarily against it. I think it’s good to always have something to strive and work hard for. But I’ve made happiness more costly than it needs to be. A 95-cent doughnut just doesn’t do it for me these days, and it should. Those doughnuts are really good.

Utilizing my frugality

Frugality is all about getting the most out of something. As a frugal person, I find it difficult to let things go to waste. I replant my grocery-store produce. I use our juicer pulp to make scones. I hate throwing things away, even the littlest things. So why do I throw away the little milestones in life so easily?

Furthermore, when I waste the little things, I’m also wasting potential inspiration and encouragement. If I would allow myself to celebrate the things I think are “not a huge deal,” I’m guessing it’ll be easier to feel inspired to reach my next goal. It will help me remember what I’m working toward.

So this year, I’ve made it my resolution to lower the bar for happiness — not success, but happiness. Since I make the most out of my money, I want to make the most out of my happiness, too. If I reach a savings goal, I’m going to enjoy it. If something cool happens in my career, I’m going to enjoy that, too. And not only will savoring the little things help me to appreciate the journey, it’ll keep me encouraged to strive for more.

We are always smarter than those who lead us.

That fact may or may not be true, but if it is not, it does not make it reality.

When any of us take a leadership role and/or put ourselves “out there,” we risk being criticized and judged, sometimes harshly, by others.

When we are criticized, we need get into the habit of doing several things immediately and instinctually

*Keep ourselves from responding immediately out of hurt and/or anger.

*Take the appropriate amount of time to ask ourselves if the criticism is reality or if the party administering it has an agenda

*If it is reality, how can we take the appropriate steps to fix that flaw in our character ?

*If the person administering the criticism has an agenda, we must immediately dismiss the criticism.

Perfection of intent and action does not exist.  How we deal and react to that imperfection of ourselves and others ultimately defines our character and our legacy. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.thedailylove.com

So, I just wrapped up a week of teaching “Love Uni-versity.” I was teaching about how to discover your SOUL’S GOALS for 2013. Not your ego’s goals. Your Soul’s goals.

And with every class I teach, it’s so awesome to see how many breakthroughs people have. To see them wake up to their own brilliance. To see them step into their power and claim their dreams back.

Nothing could be a greater gift for me than this.

And with every class also comes the criticism. I’ve gotten used to criticism, because I believe that it’s healthy for anyone who is teaching this stuff to be criticized – or maybe not criticized, but at least questioned and not believed just because they say something.

It’s important to make up your own mind about your personal growth and transformation.

I’m a HUGE advocate of being skeptical until trusting a teacher. Trust with someone who is going to take you on a spiritual or personal growth path is HUGE. Without trust there can be no transformation.

What’s so interesting though is that the majority of the criticism I get has mostly nothing to do with me.

As Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us, we must take nothing personally because what other people say and do is about their story in the world. Deepak Chopra also reminds us that people will always react from their own level of consciousness.

A piece of criticism that I got most recently goes like this:

“[I felt Mastin] was worth checking out.

Frequency re-alignment please! Mastin may have been on Oprah, he may be enamored with his own spiritual journey, but he was remarkably UN-aware of the broader audience that he requested money to serve.

Perhaps Mastin needs to take his own advice.

From my perspective, he did not generate anything NEW or insightful outside of primary 101 spiritual teachings and basic processing. Rather than inspire, he advertised himself and was remarkably void of the defining humility that great teachers always demonstrate.

With all due respect, please unsubscribe me from the Daily Hype, I mean Love…”

This is a classic response from about .01% of the folks who read TDL or take a class.

What’s so funny to me is that if you know me, if you read the blog, you will understand that ALL spiritual teachings are at a 101 Level, because the truth is simple.

But the thing that I want to point out and the reason why I am writing this blog is because feedback and response like this is part of the path.

Am I perfect? Oh hell no. Do I call myself a great teacher?

Never once. Simply, I am a guy who is going through life and sharing his beliefs.

They might be right.

They might be wrong.

They might be right now and wrong later.

Or wrong now and right later.

And with every email like this that I get, I also get positive feedback (I will include some tweets at the bottom of this blog for you to check out).

At the end of the day, however, this person’s experience of the course, which was “negative,” and the experience of the course for folks who have a “positive” experience is all about what they are bringing to the class, to the blog.

At the end of every blog I make sure to point out that you can take what resonates and leave the rest.

When you decide to shine, when you decide to put yourself out there – get ready for people to not agree with you. Get ready for people to echo your deepest darkest fears. Get ready for criticism. Get ready for negativity.

Why? Because when you put yourself out there – the world will respond. And not everyone will respond with hearts, smiles and flowers.

I do believe that the “positive” and “negative” reactions I get are here to teach me. There is truth in both, and I always learn from the feedback. But that’s just what it is, feedback – information. Nothing more, nothing less.

And this feedback, this information means nothing other than what I want to make it mean. I could easily beat myself up. I could easily condemn this person. I could easily want to make them wrong.

I no longer do this. I just take it all, positive and negative, as feedback and information and move on.

The message is that we must shine, we must put ourselves out there – and no, we are not always going to make other people happy – but we can surely do our best to serve in the way that we believe is best.

Can you put yourself out there, knowing that you will be met with resistance, doubt, and also Love and encouragement?

This is the path.

We live in an instant gratification time in history and within our society.

“Lose 10 pounds in a week !”

“Fantastic Business Opportunity ! Earn $100,000 a year or more immediately !”

“Find the love of your life tomorrow !”

Our irrational mind begs us to buy into these “too good to be true” headlines.

Our rational brain tells us not to waste our time, energy and efforts.

Anything that is worthwhile in life (personal or professional) requires time, energy, and/or effort.

And most frequently these goals, aspirations, achievements, and/or changes will require us to give something up (time, a habit, luxuries, an unhealthy “crutch,” a negative influence on our life, etc.)

Giving any/all of these things up are, of course, much easier to think about and plan than to put into action.

But put them into action we must if we ever want to make any meaningful impact on our life. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.thedailylove.com

In the study of economics, there is concept of “opportunity cost,” which basically means that for every choice we make, we must give up something else.

There is a “cost” to everything that we do. It may not be a financial cost, but there is a cost nonetheless.

Example – starting your business will cost you your free time.

Being in a relationship will cost you certain types of freedom.

So often with my clients I see that they don’t get this basic concept. When you have a dream, you have to be willing to let go of other things or realize there is an opportunity cost for pursuing your dreams.

I’m realizing that the desire to write a book means spending less time with those that I Love and also not being able to get back to everyone I want to get back to.

To lose weight, there is a nutritional opportunity cost – I can’t eat anything I want; I have to give up some stuff.

The path of mastery helps us to understand that the thing we are giving up in the short term isn’t as cool or fun or fulfilling as the thing we are building towards in the future.

The problem is, if we are stepping into uncertainty, we don’t yet know or believe that the future we are building towards is actually possible – so we are stepping out on FAITH.

This has been the story of my life when it comes to working out and my body. I’ve never been in my ideal body, so a part of me doesn’t believe it’s actually possible.

But another part of me knows that it is, of course.

This is where mentors, coaches and trainers come in REALLY handy. They can see the road ahead and know that the outcome you are shooting for is possible.

AND – they know what you have to DO to get there. They will be able to show you what you have to give up (aka your opportunity cost) to get to your goal. If they are great, they will also be able to inspire you to see that what you are going to GET is far greater than what you are giving up.

It can be so hard to believe that the best is yet to come when you have to give up the things that you Love so that you can get the ideal outcome. It can be hard to believe that you are worth living this great life – but don’t mind your mind.

Your mind is smart, but it’s not wise.

Wisdom is in the heart.

Your mind is smart, but it’s not wise.

You want to be wise.

So – can you see that whatever you want to give up so that you can have more of what you want, even if it sucks in the short-term – will lead to long-term happiness?

For me, that means the sugar I’m not eating (even though it sucks in the short-term) is nowhere near as awesome as the body I’m stepping into.

The friendships and emails I’m not getting back to right away won’t be as sweet as the effect I will have by writing and finishing my book.

What’s the opportunity cost for YOUR dreams?

As always, the action happens over on the BLOG; head onover there and leave a comment on my blog “What are you willing to sacrifice so your dreams come true?” and join in the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

I have been am improv performer since 2001 and an improv troupe leader since 2004.

And in all that time my commitment (to the art form, to someone else’s troupe and to running my own troupe) has never waivered.

Of course, it’s easy to commit when you are passionate about something (like I was when I started improv) and when you are the leader.

So, I’ve been (and am) committed to the art form, I’ve been committed (and am) to running an improv troupe, but have I really been as committed to the members of my improv troupe as I should have been ?

As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, recently I lost a member of my troupe that had been with me for a long time (over five years.)

At that same time and while also simultaneously being shaken out of complacency by another rival improv troupe and their leader who (at least in my mind) was doing a better job of marketing their shows/products/services, drawing larger audiences, and being shown greater loyalty by this troupe members that I decided to take action.

I decided (after much internal mental debate) that it was time for a “Come to Jesus Meeting” with my troupe.

You see, our relationship (mine and my troupe’s- past and present) has/have been very non-committal.  I didn’t ask much from them and in return they didn’t give me/the troupe much more that the bare minimum of commitment.

I saw a movie recently where a character asks another character why many of us end up in relationships with others who tend to hurt us.  The answer was “we get the love that we think that we deserve.”

So perhaps I got the improv troupe (and the level of commitment) that I thought that I deserved.

But the strangest thing happened at our meeting (it least seemed strange to me.)

When I told them that I would be expecting more from them from that point forward and gave them the option of “breaking up with me/us,”  I wasn’t “broken-up with” by any of the troupe.  In fact, they seemed energized and enthused by my statements/requests/declarations.  It was almost as if they had been eagerly waiting for me to take charge, ask more of them and would have been disappointed in me if our relationship had remained status quo.

How will this story play out from here ?  We’ll see.

Talk is cheap (both from me and my troupe.)  Consistent actions and behaviors are the true test of a man/woman.

The “Good Book” says “Ask and ye shall receive.”

Well, I’m finally asking.  We’ll see if I  continue to receive. ~Scott

Courtesy www.prismltd.com

WHAT IS COMMITMENT

A great business leader once said:

“…the basic philosophy, spirit, and drive of an organization have far more to do with its relative achievements than do technological or economic resources, organizational structure, innovation, and timing. All these things weigh heavily in success. But they are, I think, transcended by how strongly the people in the organization believe in its basic precepts and how faithfully they carry them out.” (from Thomas J. Watson, Jr., A Business and its Beliefs – The ideas that helped build IBM).

As true as this is for the success of a corporation, it is even more so for the individual. The most important single factor in individual success is COMMITMENT. Commitment ignites action. To commit is to pledge yourself to a certain purpose or line of conduct. It also means practicing your beliefs consistently. There are, therefore, two fundamental conditions for commitment. The first is having a sound set of beliefs. There is an old saying that goes, “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.” The second is faithful adherence to those beliefs with your behavior. Possibly the best description of commitment is “persistence with a purpose”.

Many successful business people are hailed as visionary leaders. On careful inspection they are found to be individuals who hold firmly to a simple set of commitments, usually grounded in beliefs such as “the best product money can buy”, or the highest possible customer service”. It is the strength of these commitments, religiously followed, that led to their business success.

WHERE TO PRACTICE

It appears that effective leaders hold dearly to a half dozen commitments. The first, and most basic, of these is a commitment to a set of values, principles or beliefs. These underlying principles define both the organization’s uniqueness and the fundamental direction in which it wants to head. This first commitment leads to a common vision and purpose within the organization.

The second commitment is to oneself, to how one acts as a leader. An effective leader possesses a strong sense of personal integrity and self-confidence. This leads to a willingness to share the credit for success. Another side to this commitment is a deliberate emphasis on continual self-improvement.

The combination of a strong, positive commitment to self and to a set of principles serve as a foundation to effectively maintain the remaining four commitments. These commitments are to: customers, results, employees, and the organization.

Everyone has a customer and is a customer to someone else. Customers are usually thought of as external to the organization who needs your product or service. A question worth asking is, “How much are others willing to pay for my work?” The price your customers are willing to pay measures its values in their eyes.

Besides serving customers, all organizations target specific results. Given the large number of demands placed on all of us, it is important to concentrate on achieving the most important goals and objectives. Commitment to results is largely determined by how clear priorities are, what actions get rewarded, and what risks are being taken to improve intended results.

The next commitment is to the people. The quality of the organization’s commitment to customers and results is largely based upon the quality of its commitment to people. The simple reason for this is that it is these people who serve the customer and achieve results. How are people treated in the organization? Commitment to people is largely the product of treating people with respect, challenging them, and giving them effective feedback on how they are doing.

The final leadership commitment is to the larger organization. Other departments, higher management, the organization’s overall strategy & mission are important. Communication is the key with this commitment. How people talk to, and about, each other greatly affects the quality of cooperation. How open are the channels of communication up, down, and across? Can management be challenged? Will people support management decisions and changes?

Balancing all six commitments is the key to well directed leadership. When management supports its employees, they will be able and willing to achieve intended results, When these results support customer needs and expectations, customers will support the organization with their business. A strong and healthy organization can then continue to show commitment to its people. The glue that holds this process together is the values and leaders in the organization.

HOW TO PRACTICE COMMITMENT

Effectively demonstrating commitment to others, to the organization’s basic principles, and to oneself is never easy. The truth is, demonstrating commitment is hard work. Wavering commitment is usually seen as no commitment at all. The only way to achieve a reputation for commitment is through determination and persistence. Genuine commitment stands the test of time.

Day to day, commitment is demonstrated by a combination of two actions. The first action is called supporting. Genuine support develops a commitment in the minds and hearts of others. This is accomplished by focusing on what is important and leading by example. It is not uncommon for people to be either confused as to what is important, or lose sight of it over time. Supporting means concentrating on what adds value, spotlighting what’s working, and rewarding others who are focusing on what is important and leading by example. A crucial aspect of true support is standing up to those who would undermine commitment, those whose words or actions show disrespect.

The second action underlying commitment is called improving. Improving stretches our commitment to an even higher level. Commitment means a willingness to look for a better way and learn from the process. It focuses on eliminating complacency, confronting what is not working, and providing incentives for improvement. The spirit of improving is rooted in challenging current expectation and ultimately taking the risk to make changes. These changes are based more on an optimism in the future than dissatisfaction in the past. It is embodied in the reply of car maker Professor Porsche, who, when asked which was his favorite model in the long line of Porsche automobiles replied: “I haven’t built it yet!”

It is the combination of both supporting and improving behaviors that makes up the practice of commitment. Separately neither action is capable of sustaining commitment. Promoting alone can come across as a shallow and pollyannish. Continuous improvement can be seen as “good is never good enough”. Together they provide a needed balance. Both are essential to commitment.

WHEN IT IS MOST IMPORTANT

Commitment is most difficult and most readily proven during tough times. How someone weathers the storms most clearly demonstrates their basic beliefs. In antiquity, Epicurus stated: “…a captain earns his reputation during the storms.” When your competition scores big against you, when the money dries up, or when the glamour of success wears off, this is when it is easiest to compromise your commitments. The real test comes when you can hold the line against the easy route of compromise.

Fortunately, paying the price that commitment commands has payoffs worth the cost – a reputation for integrity and, even more important, the commitment of others in return. Commitment is a two-way street. You only get it if you are willing to give it.

For the three years that I have been an entrepreneur I have been pondering the perfect strategy in which to educate businesspersons that creativity can benefit them and their organizations immensely.

Seems like a no brainer, doesn’t it ? 

It’s not. ~Scott

Courtesy of www.chipscholz.com 

Creative Leadership: The Fear of the Messy Unknown

By CHIPSCHOLZ 

Since it’s the beginning of a new year, I’m thinking about creativity: what and how do businesses and leaders need to change?

In last week’s post about creativity and leadership, I asked if readers thought they or their leaders were too analytical. (Creative Thinking and Leadership: Are You Too Analytical?) And a few readers commented:

Scott Hall said, “I think that our economics have caused people to be much more conservative and less likely to take risks and thus less creative.”

Hugh Sutherland said, “…creative thinking is not welcome in many situations, especially where a hierarchy exists, whether it be in a PTA meeting or a corporate boardroom, for fear of ridicule or simply showing up your boss and spiking your career opportunities.”

Cindy Patterson said, “I agree that creativity is not welcome in many situations.”

Where there is hierarchy, there is loss of creativity. There is much research on the effect, or lack of it, of incentive programs for creativity.

In fact, all of the research shows that it has the opposite effect–people are less creative when given a creativity bonus! They are at their most creative when given the opportunity to WANT to be creative.

One company even had innovation days when, for 24 hours, their engineers could work on anything they wanted to. Amazing things came out of this…

In “Reclaim Your Creative Confidence” (Harvard Business Review, December 2012), Tom Kelley and David Kelley of IDEO identify four common fears that block our best ideas from coming to fruition:

The messy unknown

Being judged

Taking the first step

Losing control

There’s more to these fears than we care to admit.

Fear of Being Judged

Most of us care deeply about what others think of us, including our friends, family, superiors and trusted colleagues. While we don’t mind being judged in some situations, we rarely risk our business-world egos.

When I’m coaching executives, I’m privy to confidential stories people share about this. We don’t want our bosses or peers to see us fail, as gossip spreads quickly in the workplace. We therefore stick to safe solutions and suggestions. We hang back, letting others take the risks. Unfortunately, this approach prevents us from unleashing truly creative ideas.

If you continually censor yourself, you’re effectively trapped in a self-judgment loop. You must be courageous enough to express your ideas without fear, before they fly out of your brain and down the drain.

Start an Idea Notebook

Trust your intuition and embrace your ideas. Write them down in an idea notebook so you can systematically find them, when appropriate. Keep something handy for note-taking during downtime: in the shower, next to the bed, while jogging, in the car.

You can also:

Schedule daily free-thinking time in your calendar.

Defer judgment or critical thinking until later.

Creative Feedback

Nothing squelches creativity like poorly delivered feedback. When brainstorming with others, avoid using language that censors expression, and encourage others to follow suit. Instead of saying, “That will never work,” start with “I like…” and move on to “I wish…”

Open with positive statements instead of going straight to the negatives. Use “I” instead of “you” to signal that you’re expressing your opinion and want help. This makes others more receptive to sharing ideas and receiving suggestions, without feeling judged.